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Exciting new feature!
If it seems like this cartoon isn't complete, don't fret! The words of this cartoon can only be seen when viewed on Apple's exciting new iPad! So if you don't have one yet, please run out and buy one! I am not an employee of Apple or any of its affiliates! Nor do I own an iPad myself, so I'm relying on you to tell me if the technology's working.

Oh, I forgot, also it's in 3-D!!!

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What the... Daily Sketch on a SATURDAY?

I know, it's crazy! See how much I love you? What more proof do you need?

Just don't get used to it.

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Dear Hangnail,

You are a little thorn, a flea's springboard that pokes from the base of my fingernail. You are a grain of rice, a barb to snag on the inside of your glove. You are a waggling minifinger, a jutting fang, the prick of a shrew. You are a weed sprouting from a cleft in the earth; a tiny twig of unpruned flesh, paler than the surrounding skinscape. You are a dangling larva, the quivering lip of some deep-sea fish. You are a footnote, a splinter group, a vice-president: I would tear you off with my teeth, behead you, impeach you, but I am overcome with tenderness. I want to nurture you, watch you grow into a mighty digit, maybe even a clone of myself. Someone who will keep me company when I am old and have chased everyone away with my navel-gazing, with my senile obsession with minutiae, with my incessant staring at my cuticles. I want to live to see the day when you have a little hangnail of your very own, maybe even on your pinky. And perhaps like me, you will pause, unsure if you can bring yourself to squeeze that nail clipper.

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